How can I help my teenage daughter do as well as possible in her GCSEs? If I ask how things are going she just says 'OK'. I know it's a really important time for her but I can't seem to get through to her that I only want to help.
Claire, London
Key points for parents wishing to encourage their teenagers around exam time are:
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Revise in good time
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Organise time and work - but balance with leisure time and relaxation
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Get plenty of sleep and rest
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Eat healthily
Provide a quiet place to work in - which may mean switching the TV off or taking younger children out for a while depending on circumstances.
Ask if your daughter needs to buy revision texts and use this as an opening for discussion. Also ask which on-line revision sites she uses and look at them yourself. Try www.bbc.co.uk/schools/revision but there are lots more to choose from. It's worth checking if school is working with an on-line revision provider.
Suggest drawing up a revision timetable together. Put in the times she attends regular events such as clubs and leisure activities. Even include favourite TV programmes to let her know that you don't think revision should take over her life. You will most probably find that there is lots of time left over in the evenings and weekends for 'set-time revision'. Keep her supplied with drinks and snacks and build in small rewards for keeping to these agreed times. This approach should prevent last minute panic revising.
You should have an opportunity to discuss with teachers what your daughter's predicted grades are. Use these to help her decide which subjects need most revision and then incorporate this information into the on-going revision plan.
Rather than ask general questions such as 'How are things going?' ask specific questions about subjects: 'How are you finding Maths with Mr. Jackson nowadays? Is he putting on any extra revision classes after school?' Ask what the school is doing to help with revision techniques such as mind mapping; using revision cards with key words and point; etc. Which method does she prefer? Offer to help but avoid questions which can be shrugged off with a 'yes' or 'no'! It can be a good idea to talk casually in the car rather than try to start what may appear to her to be an 'intense' face to face conversation at home.
School should be able to provide a Coursework timetable if you haven't seen one so that you are aware of deadlines for each subject.
Breakfast is essential - particularly at exam time. If your daughter won't eat it provide something she can easily eat on the way to school such as a banana or muesli bar. If she won't eat 'proper meals' because of stress or anxiety try preparing home made liquidized soups with 'hidden' vegetables and freshly prepared juices or smoothies.
Negotiate a reasonable bed-time. Many students are worn out in the mornings because they have stayed up far too late. Exercise will encourage sleep.
School may be doing more than you are aware to help students through this difficult period so it may be useful to contact your daughter's form tutor and ask in a positive way so that neither school nor your daughter feel you are being critical. Staff will be aware that students do not always inform parents about what is happening.
Finally, remember that at this age your daughter is old enough to take responsibility for her learning. Don't fall into the trap of arguing about whether she is doing enough revising or not - just notice and acknowledge it when she is and let her know you have faith in her.