Well - it happened. Son Number One has progressed his academic career and now resides in Sixth Form.
Well, that is to say he spends a large part of his day lounging around in a very comfortable form room ruminating with his mates about the meaning of life, music, and food. I believe at certain stages of the day they are called upon to attend some classes and occasionally even hand in work. Its very inconvenient when this happens but it keeps the teachers happy and off his case, so I guess it gets done.
What gets me, though, is his complete lack of focus. I thought that by now, having completed his GCSEs, he would adopt a different approach to his work. How wrong could I be? Very is the answer!
I mean, we have noticed some differences. We did actually see him doing some home work last week. Well we thought we had, but on closer inspection, it appears he was just filling in his student diary so he wouldn’t miss any of those nice empty periods.
Then last week some spaces became available on a residential course. They offered them to everyone, and Son Number One phoned to ask us if he could put his name forward. What is going on in his head? Why has he failed to grasp the importance of the year he is now in? Any time out of his courses could be detrimental. This is a simple fact of life that apparently has eluded him.
Where did we go wrong? I fear this lack of responsibility is somehow down to us. In our parenting of this young man, we have completely failed to instil in him some awareness of responsibility for himself and his future.
Was it because we didn’t allow him unlimited freedom to wander the streets? Was it that we didn’t encourage him to fend for himself for large portions of time in the evenings after school? Was it because we didn’t make him spend his weekends toiling in some underpaid lowly job? What was it that we failed to do that makes him now so nonchalant about his future?
He has so little regard for it that he now appears to have no focus or fixed point about where he is heading. On the other hand if we try to look at this positively, we could try to believe that his laid back approach is actually more acceptable today. He is not stressed..…. far from it. He has a balance in life that is quite enviable. He does the work, enjoys the classes and down times with his mates when not doing sport.
I mean, in anyone’s life estimates, that is probably quite a good one. The stress, though, is carried by us, his parents. And although you might say that’s our choice, I don’t believe it is.
As parents we so want the best for our children. We want to ease their journey through life. We want to help them make good choices. It is our natural instinct to try and help our offspring. To guide them round hazards and take a smoother route through the rough waters of life. But its very hard to hold onto the thought that it is their life and not ours.
They have to have the opportunity to make choices and sometimes to make mistakes. As my Dad used to say to us as children, you never made anything if you didn’t make a mistake.
How did he get to be so easygoing???
So - I am going to stand back a little further and watch rather than talk. I am going to try so hard not to judge. But it won’t be easy, and it certainly wont be bloodless!! Biting my lip is going to be my major pastime.
But I may finish with a more comfortable understanding of my Number One Son as he continues to navigate his way through life’s bumpy seas.